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How to: Your Foolproof Plan for A Destiny-filled Christmas

Star Wars: Destiny is here and more popular than ever, and even with the next wave of boosters hitting stores it’s still tough to get ahold of anything if you’re not on your toes. But fear not, for this is the holiday season, the season of giving, and the more people that know you want, nay need, piles and piles of boosters the greater the odds you can score some! Consider this your guide to casting that net far and wide in order to build your collection to unprecedented levels this Christmas!

The easiest place to start for most people is your parents; Star Wars: Destiny should take up probably the top three slots on the Christmas list you give them. I forget the actual equation, but the math definitely works out to tip the present scale that way—I’m a bit fuzzy since wish list polynomials were part of a pretty advanced algebra class and I had a ritual note-burning ceremony after passing it. What’s that, you say? You’re an adult and don’t give Christmas lists to your parents? Psh! Pha! Harrumph! You’re never too old to ask for free stuff! And just think of how important they’ll consider it after not receiving one for years. It is your parents, though, so be sure to use ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’

Next up is the significant other. You spend a lot of time with this person, so subtlety is key; you don’t want to overdo it and annoy them. I’d start by finding articles of the shortage, printing them out, and leaving them in key places around the house like the bathroom. “Oh, sorry honey, just found some random articles on the internet for light bathroom reading.” “Yeah, I thought you might want to read something the next time you pulled down the sun visor.” That kind of thing. Personally, I like to sprinkle everyday conversation with very small references that tie into Star Wars: Destiny and various cards. “The potatoes in this delicious soup you made remind me of the dice in this really great game I heard about.” Or maybe, “When we decide on a name for our unborn child, lets choose Rey/Finn/Ackbar/Darth Vader. It’s the name of a character in Destiny, a game a Star Wars like myself would probably love.” Then there’s something like, “Let’s take the Millennium Falcon, whoops, I mean the Kia, to the grocery store this time. Interesting factoid: the Millennium Falcon is card number 49 in the Star Wars: Destiny Awakenings playset.” I used that one just yesterday. Like I said, keep it low-key and you should be just fine.

Have kids? Perfect! I mean, a college education is probably worth a couple booster boxes at least—though again, I’m not too sure about that equivalency since my math notes died in a fiery hell. For the ones that are too little for actual work, wandering around in a mall holding signs saying, “Will be cute for boosters,” seems like a solid plan that’s guaranteed to work, even if I haven’t tried it yet. Heck, it might even work you, with that dazzling smile I know you have.

Your friends need to know that come December 26th, the pecking order will be reevaluated and new best friends possibly chosen. They get none of the niceties, just right down to business. If they’re Destiny players themselves, a contract should be drawn up regarding gift exchange values and strictly adhered to. Foul play against someone else trying to move in on your booster territory is absolutely allowed, and in fact encouraged.

But let’s be honest, these guys are all small potatoes. If you really want something, you have to put the work in and make sure the Big Guy knows. Yes, I have it on good authority that Santa has been hoarding booster boxes collected through his inside source at FFG for some time. While you can mail him your list (a simple copy of the one you gave your parents will do), the only way to truly get your message across is to visit all those mall helpers. Every. Single. One. Make a good map of the city and plan for efficiency, not unlike a trip to Disney World. The more Santa laps you sit on, the more he really knows you want it. Of course, if your morals are a little looser I have a floorplan of the Clause stables and the outline of a kidnapping scheme nice dinner party, just let me know. Priority will be given to pilots and reindeer handlers but the more the merrier, if you catch my drift. (For those counting, that was two amazing puns in one sentence)

Anyway, there you have it! A surefire plan to get those sweet, sweet boosters this weekend. Pull strings, call in favors, use big ol’ puppy dog eyes, be the sweetest person you can be to your loved ones, but most importantly: find the location and access codes to FFG’s Star Wars: Destiny warehouse. I know they built one. And if you have the extra airline miles, a quick jaunt down to Whoville couldn’t hurt, either; I hear there’s a guy down there with a very big heart.


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